Running In Circles: Epiphanies of a runners high part 1!

Ok, I'm not sure about the name, a large majority of my blogs and writing has come from inspiration while in that ethereal space some like to call 'the runners high', but I'm sure I needed to get put this down.

I've been running in circles for years now. Literally…figuratively…actually literally and figuratively. It's amazing how you can do so many things, do them so differently only to end up right back where you started. I've experienced that a few times, and thats what happened this morning when I found myself with just enough time to squeeze in my "gotta get four before the end of thursday" mission.

Their was a time when I wanted every experience to be an exercise in growth, and now I like to just do things, like running, for the fun of it. I downloaded the Runkeeper app about 4 years ago when I finally decided to get over my dislike for any run longer than 399 meters (side note; the 400 meter dash is the worst race ever). I loved all the features that would help me break into the world of 5 minute miles, and give me the kick I needed to one day run a marathon.

I kinda did both of those, I count my 5:51 mile as being in the world of 5 minute miles as opposed to 6. Hey, it's my world when I set the goal and the metrics (one of the gifts and curses of being your own coach;-)). So now I that I'm trying to enjoy my runs and build that affinity back up, I've turned off all the notifications that would goad my ego to get more, and more, and just let my body do what it wants. But, I still have some attachments to the app, as some of you may have seen that I try and share every run that I do. It's not my fault as much as it is a friend of mine's who told me he started running a few years back after a long layoff because he saw that I never stopped running. Every time I go to run I make sure I set my Runkeeper for that possibility that someone who's stopped running, or never started,  will one day join me and taste that sweet, addictive flavor again, or for the first time.

That's Where My Story Starts

Lately I've been sending a little text nudge before I run trying to get one of my friends who's re-exploring his more athletic side to join me as I pass by his house at about the 1.25 mile mark giving him the inspiration of knowing I'm already tired so it's not race, he's only going to go 1.5 miles and I'll still have another 1.25 to go, and if he doesn't go, he gets to see my trail enough times that he'll eventually be forced to join me. That's the plan any ways.

So the text was sent the earphones were on, Sam Smith was bumping…I was ready to go. Right at about a mile in I hear a song I've never heard on this station; La Vie En Rose, performed by Louis Armstrong:

Besides letting go of my need to constantly improve my running I have also used this secluded arroyo trail to try and let go of some of my fear of movement. Fresh of the first day of rehearsal of my second semester as an intern with Project In Motion, I had added impetus to be hyper focused on that release. When this song came on, my mind went from the new piece Hilary created to take me completely out of my comfort zone, or maybe to help me find more comfort, and to a rope piece I had struggled to perform conditioning-wise, and didn't get to do in the first semester. It made the prospect of getting comfortable with this new movement a little more realistic.

Then I'm carried to a completely new space by this unfamiliar sound:

I don't know when poems showed up on Pandora, but…DAMN!!! Rob Hill spoke all the words I've never had in me to say in 3 minutes. It sent me to a place where I was posting this message on my ex's Facebook page, as my last ditch effort at peace for us and our children. 

The Message/FB Post

The message went something like this:

NO matter what I've said in the past, and even though I've never been patient, kind, or loving enough to say this to you, this is what I meant. NO matter how opposite my words have ever been, or how much resent comes out when I speak to you, this is what I meant. Even though these thoughts, this voice and these words aren't exactly mine, I couldn't and wouldn't have ever said it better. I didn't search out these words, or know that I would find them, they just fell on my lap. And when I heard them I thought of you. Can we forget everything else, and move on from here. I'm so glad you've found your "rock", and continue to heal and grow. Can we please be on the same team, be friends, and give our kids our best?

Chasing Signs

I'm not usually one to chase sings like Jim Carrey in "The Number 23", but I did probably enjoy "The Celestine Prophecy" a little more than most. Anyhow, after snapping a picture of the song title for future reference when I post my message, I found myself back in my rhythm when I knock my head phones out of my ears. That never happens.

Signs

"Maybe I need to think about that choice and I need silence the remainder of my run. Nah!" I was enjoying my music andI'm almost done. I don't typically like to stop and have that suspicious pause on my Runkeeper map that could challenge my integrity; "Did Deeq take a break right at the end so he could get a faster time?" Whatever. I stopped and put my earphones on and started to run anticipating that familiar notice; "Activity Resumed." 

The 2nd Sign: Maybe Its Just For Me

Nothing…

This whole time I was pumping myself up for rehearsal tonight in case the director puts me on the spot to show what we rehearsed alone yesterday. Rob Hill's words flashed in my mind; "Why aren't I good enough?"

Foreshadowing: Last Nights Reading

Now my mind jumped back to something I was reading before I went to bed in "The Worlds Most Powerful Leadership Principle; Becoming a servant leader, by James C. Hunter."

There are many possible payoffs people receive for being in their often-chosen stat of being…there are many possible payoffs for being an ineffective leader. For example, being ineffective means that leaders do no have to make the enormous efforts required to meet the legitimate needs of others; they can simply sit back and resort to their positional power, which is quick and effortless. In addition, they do no have to admit they have a problem and do not have to endure uncomfortable feedback from others…"

 That lesson along with some precursory quotes was for a friend of mine I had been talking to the morning before, comparing our raising-a-son war stories. I was reminded of him when I read this because his closing statement was "I've been on this earth (so long) either he's gonna change…", or something to that effect. Whatever it was I didn't have the words or desire to try and point out the flaw I saw in that statement until I read this.

It Circles Back Around: 3 Fingers Are Pointing At You

At this juncture all the signs were pointing at me. Rob Hill, James C. Hunter had me thinking; "Maybe the best lesson I can teach isn't through pointing out to you, but by looking in, wearing it on, and being more of it." Isn't that the essence of my favorite Ghandi quote: "Be the change you wish to see in the world"? I've said it a million times; "the best chance you have at changing your experience of someone else is to change your perspective." Now I circle back around and say it again...to myself."

As I showered and all these thoughts floated around in my head, and I wondered which ones I'd remember, this song that I've also never heard before came on, and I'll leave you with that as I get to work on being!